mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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