I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
