So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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