she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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