She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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