i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
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Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
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You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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