But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
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And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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