I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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