Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
