He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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