all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
