So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
