She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
