Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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