On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
