Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
