R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
