Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
