my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
