Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
