This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
