she is the kim kardashian of front butts
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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