i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
