good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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