WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
