The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
