R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
