Don't make out with my wife yet
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I forgot how hot balto sounded
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My feet surprised me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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