You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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