how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
