you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
