I saw his package. It spoke to me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
