I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
