I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
