make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
