bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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