Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just made out with a guy for $7.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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