i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
