I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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