I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
