im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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