I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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