Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
