The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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