Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
