is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Let's get the cat blown out
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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