I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My balls are so social today.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
