watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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