Ambien. No doubt about it.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
