i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
