Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
