I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
