The brown eye won't let me do that either.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i've created a new STD.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
