Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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