I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Randomize
