Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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