sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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