my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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