Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
