Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
