part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
