i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
And then he peed in my hair
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