see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
