My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
