But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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