Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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