Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
