I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
