My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
