A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
