I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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