She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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