I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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