you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
