Where did you get a picture of my penis
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
